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Life Has A Way Of Letting You Know What You Need

I’m really struggling with keeping my blog active. Lately I feel I have nothing worth while to say so I don’t. I fear I will bore someone. Is it a lack of self esteem, unworthiness, laziness? Who knows. Whatever the reason it’s unproductive and self-destructive.

Several events over the last few weeks have given me gentle reminders of why I write. I’ve never considered myself to be an author of any sort even though I’ve always had a desire to publish something. So I write and I do it from my heart not always with the best grammar or form. There is something inside that pushes me to keep at it, so I do.

My most touching reminder was a conversation a coworker called me about that took place at work on a day I was off. There is no way I can retell it with the grace and sincerity as Stacey did. When she shared it with me I was in tears. To make a vivid heartfelt story boring and cold is the best I can do. Maybe one day I’ll have Stacey retell it while I record it and play it on my YouTube channel. Basically a lady came into our store looking for me. She had read my original blog HAPPY HIKING I wrote through the Bangor Daily News while I was on my first Appalachian Trail thru hike. This lady wanted to meet me to let me know I had touched her life. Wow!!! Is that humbling or what? So I write and I will keep writing, not for me but for whomever it is that my simple words of sharing can touch. It’s not me, I’m only the instrument. 

That was just one of the countless events that have reminded me to get back to the key board. The last one just occurred. I have just come off a tough week. A simple one in the grand scheme of things. Nothing life changing or life threatening had occurred. God knows how many of my family and friends have been diagnosed with dreadful diseases, some have lost loved ones, while others struggle with finances and the list goes on. Nothing traumatic for me just really annoying.

We came home from a fantastic road trip last Sunday and within a few hours our wonderful kitty of ten years had a heart attack and had to be put down. The next night my back seized up to where I had the luxury of an ambulance ride to the ER. I spent the next few days drugged up during which time I developed a cold. First time being sick since 2014.

Today I had a to send hubby away for a two week business trip, go to two follow up doctor appointments, and grocery shop, normal every day stuff. But since we live so far out of town, almost an hour I was letting the drive get to me. Exhausted from the new allergy medication, oh wonderful, I decided to go to bed. As I opened the sliding door on the lakeside of my bedroom the loons were loudly serenading me. The last gentle reminder. 

Life always lets me know what I need. I was tired from the past weeks shenanigans and was focusing on the negatives, the long drive, Bruce having to leave, the side effects of a drug that should have been helping, etc. First it was remembering Stacey’s story about the nice lady looking for me and tonight it was the call of the loons to bring everything back into perspective.

It’s easy to be down when your focus is within but when you take your eyes off yourself and widen it outside your own little world it’s amazing how that frown turns upside down.

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