Wow, where do I begin. First of all, I guess with an apology for begin AWOL for so long. But I am back and with more zeal than every before, I hope.
Today is a testimony that even the most positive of people can have a slump. I am here to admit it has happened to me. Admitting is the first step to healing. In January a friend posted something on Facebook and I thought she had crawled into my head and was able to put it in writing. Below is copy of what she wrote and I reposted.
January 30, 2019
First of all I want to give a shout out to my friend Susan for being brave enough to share a post I am copying. I have been wanting to do the same thing but couldn’t find the right words. I think Susan pulled them out of my head and made sense of it. Thank you Susan!
This is what she said:
"Do you see this face? This is the face of a woman who has been dealing with a lot of stress she shouldn't have to deal with for quite some time now. She's put on a brave front when inside, she just wants to crawl under a rock and go to sleep. She doesn't want to talk to anyone about what she deals with. She keeps it all inside. No one needs to know.. It could be work, finances, relationships.. Or it could just be that she's trying to figure that out too. Anxiety, depression.. It's real. It's the silent, but deadly culprit for so many who are just like me and bury it all away. But tonight, I just want to show you that just because someone seems like they have it all together, they may not. But when the lipstick and nail polish match the clothes, you gotta show that shit!!! #devilsfoodelc #smile #thingscouldbeworse#tiredoffakingit”
I would only change the last few words to: But when the braids, hair ties, and head band can’t hide the 40 pounds gained, something has to change. May the road to healing be quick.
I haven't felt right for quite sometime but didn't really know why. When the panic attacks and crying episodes started interfering with home and work I knew something was up. First thing I knew I needed was a break from all responsibilities.
I spoke to work and my family who were all very supportive. Next step was to go see my Doctor. That was fun. Having to admit to someone other than Bruce that I am not perfect and needed help was bit of a struggle for me. My doc is awesome. He has been our primary care physician for almost 30 years. He took one look at me and new something was up. Of course the first topic of discussion was medications. I started crying. In my mind meds were for someone crazy. After some deliberation he agreed to hold off but I was to make some changes such as diet, exercise, and counseling then see me back in two weeks.
2018 I began the year with eating Whole30 and keeping fit. After 4 months, life started to happen and I gave up on working out, eating right and cancelled all my maintenance doctor appointments such as chiropractor, dentist, cancer, and regular check ups. I didn't want to take the time. Needless to say I have ballooned to my heaviest weight ever.
I am not writing this looking for pity. Instead, hoping it will help someone else like Susan's post did for me. We all have different things we go through and we all handle them in different ways. What might be huge and hard for one person may be a breeze for the next. It doesn't matter what the reason for someone feeling depressed and have anxiety is. What is important is to recognize it and realize it is okay. We have times in our lives that are blue, but it's when we stay in that state too long and it interferes with who we are meant to be then we must face that. It doesn't fix the issue right away, but for me it lifted a burden I didn't even know was there.
If you are experiencing anything similar, I encourage you to reach out for help. You will be surprised at how many of your friends are going through something also. I know I was amazed. If only I would have reached out to my friends sooner.
I am on the road to recovery, I have a new zeal and passion to be the me I love to be. It isn't going to be overnight but it will come.