Itsy bitsy spider
I almost gave up today. Monday is blog day. My brain spins, sputters, turns, flips, and flops from the moment I finish the previous post until I sit down to write the next week's post. And even then, it still may stammer, and sometimes goes blank during the process, as it did this week. Up until a few moments ago the chasm between the ears was echoing loud and clear with nothing but emptiness.
I resigned to the fact I had nothing to write about. All I could think of was, "Let's talk about my birthday. I love my birthday, which was yesterday by the way. But I thought that was too narcissistic, which I have been accused of on more than one occasion. What can I say, I like me.
Anyway, just a few minutes prior, I was doing some emails and checking tracking numbers for books I had shipped. I am on my laptop since my desktop computer -I prefer to use - is being temperamental. I swear, well, maybe I shouldn't swear, but I am sure I have some type of internal electrical anomalies that interfere with my devices. They never seem to work to their highest performance for me. If you have been around this blog long, you will know I have had my challenges.
My laptop desk, positioned a few inches from the wall, allows a power strip to dangle freely for my lamp and various charging cords. The gap is apparently good for more than just easy access to the outlet.
I was working, focused on the tasks at hand when movement catches my eye, something crawled up the wall.
EWE!!!!!! I HATE THAT when that happens!!!!!!!
I really hate spiders. I don't actually hate them, I fear and respect them. I know they do good. This guy was, yes - was - the size of a quarter, but he looked like the size of a dinner plate to me.
I have an agreement with the arachnids, inside you die, outside you live. The same goes for mice. This one didn't get the memo. Pre-hike (pre-hike means before I embarked on my 2015 Appalachian Trail journey) I would have screamed and not come back to this spot until hubby or one of my sons took care of it. I truly have an aversion to these things.
In fact, I almost crashed our vehicle once with our boys and one of their friends. We were almost home when Stuart, a young teenage boy at the time, began screaming like a little girl. Amongst all the shrills coming from this six-foot rugged teenage boy, I made out the word spider. I envisioned a large hair tarantula climbing all over the kids in the back. The only thing worse than seeing a spider is not knowing where one is. I drove into the nearest driveway, skidded to a halt, and jumped out of the car. I was followed by Stuart. To our reluctance, we could not find the spider and proceeded the rest of the way home on high guard.
Fear is crippling. And most of the time what we are afraid of is less harmful than fear itself. Hiking the AT I had to confront countless fearful situations, spiders - lots of them - and a host of other things. Out on the trail I could not call upon hubby, my knight in shining armor, to protect me. I had to do it alone. Over the 2,200 miles I learned to control my fear and not to let it get the best of me. I was still afraid, but it was my reaction to that fear I kept in check, so not to come to a skidding stop.
Fear, after all, is nothing but False Evidence Appearing Real. It's good to have fear, it's what keeps us from playing in the middle of the road, but we just can't let fear ground us to where we can't live a life of abundance. And right now, especially with Covid, we have to remember to live. Yes, we need to be safe, but we can't let the fear of dying tomorrow from this disease, keep us from living today.
When I first saw the creepy-crawly thing, my first instinct was to yell to Bruce. But I didn't, I said to myself, "You got this!" I grabbed a piece of paper to squish him. But, he repelled down the crevice. Oh, great, he is now at my feet somewhere. I decided to chill and continue with my work. I soon forgot about him. But then he re-emerged and I was smoother in my attack and he met his demise.
No, I am not advocating violence to conquer our fear. I am suggesting though, we stand up to our fear and not let fear control us. Maybe one day I will be able to catch and release. We'll see, that will take some real growth on my part.
Let the holiday (including my bday) celebrations be done, time for salads, more water intake and P90x. BooYa!
Ps It has been brought to my attention that readers are getting duplicate email notifications on new posts. I am working on figuring that out. Sorry for the inconvenience. One day I will be rich and famous and will be able to hire my own personal techie.